Statuette of Carmelle
by heka
Summary: Madness ensues as Daisuke and Satoshi both rush to steal away the Statuette of Carmelle before each other! Of course, there's the talk of the curse upon the Statuette... which converts them into babies... Lots of humor.
1. Default Chapter

Whee! It's me again, heka and this is my first stab at humour! :D Enjoy!

**Statuette of Carmelle **

'Dai-chaaan! Have you packed your things?' sang Emiko, from the ground floor of the Niwa residence. Daisuke winced. Sometimes his mother can be so...

'Ne, Dai, don't be so rude to your mother,' Dark cautioned, able to see and hear every thought of Daisuke's. Daisuke faced the mirror in his room and Dark's face swam into view, grinning as usual.

'So, where are we going?' Dark asked, all playful.

'I don't know... some thief excursion again...'

'Again? That's soooo boring!! You get to have all the fun while I get stuck inside you, watching as you make mistakes... Ne ne, change into me or at least let me take over once in a while...'

'No, Dark. I can't. They'd know immediately if it's you.' Daisuke sighed as he propped his head with his arms on the table facing the mirror. 'That's the point, they want me to practice and not keep depending on you, Dark.'

'But think of all the injuries you'd miss...' Dark sneered. Daisuke buried his head. The Niwa family had planned thief excursions once in a while for their newest thief, Daisuke. It had originally been planned to hone his skills in thievery by making him steal worthless objects in deserted houses or places, all lovingly booby-trapped by his caring mother, father and helpful grandfather, of course; but with the amount of injuries he was getting... they were willing to press on, all for 'Dai-chan's sake'.

'Daaaaaaiisukkee!!' his mother sang out again.

Daisuke sighed again, took his backpack and slung it on his shoulders.

'Coming, oka-san!'

---

Hikari Satoshi stuffed his shirt into his duffel bag angrily.

'What's the matter,' purred Krad, the entity which shared his body. 'Angry?'

'Shut up and go away.'

'You know I very well can't...' Krad grinned, reminding Satoshi of a humungous kitten. A homicidal blonde, blue eyed, fluffy winged kitten, that is. Include the mind like mine bomb, and you get Krad.

'That was evil!' Krad pouted. 'You know I'm not like that!'

'Yeah, right.'

'So, where are we going now?'

'We're going to catch Dark.'

'That's what you say.'

'This time, we are.'

'That's what you always say!' Krad laughed. 'Then we come home with an injured me (poor ole me) and a disgruntled Satoshi cause he's missed out again!'

'Shut up Krad or I'll ask a date out with Harada-san.'

'Which one?'

'Both.'

'Ouch.'

Satoshi smiled, and slinging his duffel bag, strolled out of his apartment.

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heka: Uh oh! Where are Daisuke and Satoshi going? Hahaha!!!

Dark-san: You stupid girl.

Heka: ;;

Krad-san: Don't insult her. She could think up of something really evil for us...

Heka: Oh! Yeah!

Dark-san: Damn.

Krad-san: Now as heka chases Dark around, you know the drill. Review, or ELSE.


	2. Carzilla's Rampage Bagins!

Daisuke bounded down the stairs only to bump into Towa-chan, their resident maid. Towa-chan smiled at him and hustled him to the front door eagerly, ignorant of his protesting cries.

'Ehh? Ehh? Towa-chan! Stop!' Daisuke gasped.

Towa-chan smiled at him again. This time it wasn't so reassuring. In fact, it reminded Daisuke of a grinning ghost just before she killed her victim.

'Ne... when did she become so scary... ?' Dark muttered, sweatdropping.

'Don't look at me...'

By the time Daisuke recovered sufficiently from his slight freaking out of Towa-chan's creepy smile, he was already bound in the backseat of the car by a safety belt as his father, Niwa Kosuke, waved at him genially from the driver's seat.

'Ne... I thought dad didn't know how to drive?' Daisuke whimpered, alarm bells ringing in his head.

Dark, in particularly, was clanging the loudest frantically.

Emiko popped her head in as she got into the car. 'He's just got his license! I don't know, the tester seemed over-eager to give Kosuke-kun his license. Said something about not wanting to test him ever again... but I've seen Kosuke driving, he's quite good!'

Daisuke just whimpered again as his grandfather got onto the seat beside the driver's seat and Towa-chan squeezed in next to him.

'This is so not happening...' he thought to Dark, who was already crossing himself in anxiety.

---

Satoshi sat on one of the window seats on the bus. He didn't want to be driven there. This was a _secret_ mission.

'Ooooooohhh secret mission!! Tell me tell me tell me!!' Krad begged, his eyes large and sparkly.

Satoshi narrowed his eyes. 'You can just read my mind, can't you,' he muttered expressionlessly.

'Oh! Yeah! Hey!' Krad brightened, and he squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to read Satoshi's mind.

Satoshi looked out the window and got this unexplainable urge to throw himself out and just DIE right there and then; as Krad relished in Satoshi's evil mindedness.

---

'Dark-san? You still there?' Daisuke murmured in his head, his eyes shut against the extremely frightening scene opening before his eyes.

'Yes. Sadly. Unfortunately.'

'Have you ever seen them like this?'

'No, I haven't. Why would I? I was in you only when you were 14! And how old are you right now? Oh! 14!' Dark muttered.

'Sorry... just worried I guess,' Daisuke squeaked.

'Yeah, I can see why...'

'Hey, Daisuke!' Emiko's squeal broke his chain of thoughts. 'Look over there! That nice man's waving hi to your daddy!'

Daisuke turned to see a furious bus driver gesturing very violently in his father's direction as his father swerved in aimlessly into his lane and trundled on. Kosuke smiled and waved enthusiastically back at the man as Towa-chan blew him a kiss.

'Oh. My. Goodness.' Daisuke whimpered as he sank down lower in his seat.

---

Satoshi's thoughts were broken as the bus he was sitting on swerved wildly. He then heard a chorus of extremely foul words emerging from the driver's mouth as he cursed about something along the lines of 'Stupid driver!'

Getting up to satisfy his and Krad's curiosity, he peeped over the driver's shoulder.

'What's wrong mister?'

'Them stupid drivers nowadays!' the driver spat, pointing to a vehicle in front of the bus, driving rather aimlessly in Satoshi's opinion.

'Aimlessly in a way it'd be dangerous,' cackled Krad.

'Yes.' Satoshi muttered. The driver looked at him.

'Huh?'

'Oh nothing...' he stopped. He had just recognised someone on the bumbling vehicle. The red hair. It was so obvious. Niwa-kun was on the car... and definitely not enjoying it.

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heka: I loved this bit. It was very amusing. :D

Dark-san: _You_ just gave ME the ride of my LIFE!!!

Heka: Yes... so?

Dark-san: Do you know how TERRIFYING IT WAS?!?! Where's the REAL Kosuke anyway? I know that Kosuke can drive waaaaaaaaay better than what that... thing did!

Heka: You know I honestly cannot remember whether Kosuke can drive or not. But! Just to make it even more fun for everyone else, I made it so he can't! Ain't I nice?

Krad-san: So, now that she's revealed her secret-

Heka: Hey!

Krad-san: Shut up. Now that she's done it, you can start reviewing, people. Man, I feel like that fellow from America's Funniest's Home Videos.

Heka: How do yoooouu know about AFHV?

Krad-san: Errr.... Trade secret.

Heka: Oh. Heeeey waitaminite! There's no such thing as Trade Secret! Especially in YOUR trade...

Dark-san: Run. Now.

Krad-san: Aye, aye Cap'n.


	3. Train Trouble

Thanks to those who have reviewed! I feel so loved...

Dark-san: Get on with the story.

---

Daisuke had decided to keep his eyes shut, just for the sake of his sanity. If he had continued seeing the events as they folded out in front of him, he wouldn't have missed the coming of Carzilla then, to everyone else's - who was involved directly or indirectly in Niwa Kosuke's driving- opinion.

He finally opened his eyes at Towa-chan's comment of 'see, Kosuke's driving so peacefully, that even Daisuke's asleep!'

Looking out through the windows, he was relieved to see that they were finally driving through rural areas, with more bush then buildings.

He didn't dare to look out the back window. It was scary to even think of the view he would see.

'Good choice, Daisuke,' Dark nodded firmly.

Emiko grinned to everyone in the backseat.

'Let's play a game!'

---

Satoshi had gotten off the bus at the interchange, and was waiting for the train, to take him to the area that he was going to. It was going to be a long wait, as the area was quite deserted, as people only went there occasionally. It was also the reputable site of many ancient mansions and graveyards.

Taking out a book, he started reading up on the place he was going to. It was always good to be prepared.

'Obyaka- The Ancient's Site! Come to see how your elders used to live and visit the many old burial grounds! See if you can find the missing Statuette of Carmelle!'

'This book's old. The statuette's been found,' Krad complained.

'It's the only way that I'll get to read up about Obyaka.' Satoshi muttered.

'When will our train come anyway?'

'Soon.'

'When's soon?'

'It _will_ come, Krad.'

'Are you suuurree?'

'YES.'

'Positive?'

'I am VERY positive, Krad.'

'Definitely?'

'YES KRAD. IT WILL COME. I AM VERY POSITIVE OF THAT.'

'Oh. Good then. I wanted to be there before Dark.'

Satoshi took a deep breath, then stopped.

'Was that a PUN?'

'Huh? It is? Really?'

Satoshi took another deep breath.

'You know, Krad, if you weren't in me...'

'Yes?'

'I would have dissected you right here and now.'

'So it's a good thing right? That I'm in you?'

'Never mind.'

---

Daisuke was actually starting to enjoy himself. It was amazing. Apart from the few animals that his father ran over occasionally, it was actually alright. Wow. The feeling was... wow.

'I've got no kings!' Towa-chan cried gleefully. 'Go fish!'

Emiko took the first card from the pile.

'Hey! I've got a king! That means I get to go again!' she laughed, waving the card around. 'Alright, Dai-chan... I want a...'

BANG.

'What did we hit this time Kosuke? 'Emiko asked, without looking around as she was choosing her card. 'From you Dai-chan, I want a-'

'Cow. We hit a cow.'

'No I don't want a cow from Dai-chan! I want the nines!'

Dark's eyes were twitching as he sat in Daisuke's mind, half frozen with fear and the other, anxiety.

'He couldn't see a COW?!' he nearly screamed. Daisuke gulped.

'Come on everyone! Help Kosuke bury the poor creature!' Daisuke's grandfather called from outside. Kosuke had already left the car and was scratching his head while surveying the animal.

'Uhhh... how are we going to do that?' he asked, smiling innocently.

Towa-chan grinned happily. 'I know! Let's take grandpa's stick and start digging!' turning towards Daisuke, who was finally emerging from the car after an extremely violent argument with Dark, she said, 'and change into Dark-san, Dai-chan! Dark's much better at feats of strength than cute Dai-chan!'

---

Satoshi shut his eyes. The train had finally arrived after waiting for an abysmal 45 minutes. He took the window seat again, refusing to let anyone else sit beside him by placing his duffel bag beside him. Krad was lecturing him on this point.

'Naughty, naughty Satoshi-kun! You shouldn't let your duffel bag get a seat. See that hot babe there? She doesn't get a seat because Satoshi-kun won't put his duffel bag up on the-'

'I know that... hot babe you're talking about.'

'So why don't you sit with her?'

'I don't LIKE her.'

'Don't discriminate, Satoshi-kun!' Krad cautioned, wriggling his finger annoyingly.

'I am NOT discriminating. I just don't like her for her slutiness!' Satoshi grinded.

'But Saaatoshi-kuuuuuunn!!' Krad whined. Satoshi rolled his eyes and was roughly jostled aside by a woman of massive proportions as she dumped his duffel bag on him. Giving him a look of pure venom, she heaved herself onto the seat next to him. When she sat down, Satoshi distinctively felt himself buoyed afloat by the air expelled from her seat into his.

He cursed mutely as he slowly sank down to normal height. With this... of a woman next to him, and a homicidally insane Krad singing '200 green bottles of whisky on the wall' in his head, this was SO not his day.

---

'NO. I REFUSE.'

'But Daaaarrkk-ssaaaann,' wheedled Towa-chan.

'No. I will NOT hold a ceremony for the burial of the cow.'

'But it's the Burial of the Cow!' Towa-chan sniffled. 'You must respect The Cow!!!'

'Not when you guys didn't even see it....' Dark whispered. Daisuke nodded.

Dark agreed to change in order to get the stupid car ride over and done with by burying the cow. Then they had suggested that they put a cross over the cow as a sign of respect was still within... a wide range of acceptability but holding a ceremony? He knew that they had to respect the cow somehow but he had to draw the line somewhere...

And he was drawing the line _here_.

'We will get in the car and forget about the cow. You've buried it and put a cross for it. Isn't that enough? And you didn't do this for the rest of the animals Kosuke here crashed into...' Dark reasoned. 'Besides, Daisuke's thief excursion needs time! Remember the thief excursion?'

He waved his hands vaguely. The family suddenly had looks of dawning comprehension on their faces.

'Ooohhhhhh!! So _that's_ why we went out of the house...' Emiko murmured in awe.

Dark wanted to cry.

---

'154 green bottles of whisky! Hanging on the wall!' Krad sang. 'One got drunk, now's there are 153!'

'You said one got drunk already. At the 167th bottle,' Satoshi muttered.

'Oh! Really! Then... one got slashed! Now there are 153!'

'The one that got slashed was 172th bottle.'

'Then...one got a phone call! Now there are 153!'

'Mmm.... go on.'

'153 green bottles of whisky! Hanging on the wall! One got dizzy! Now there are 152!'

'Why did I even let you sing this song... 189th was the one that got dizzy.'

'Fine... one got tired...'

'Mmm... go on.'

Satoshi fell into a light doze as Krad went on with his horrible singing. The woman beside him was already taking full advantage of the incredibly slow train ride and was snoring like there was no tomorrow.

The sun was shining down upon him, and the train unfortunately wasn't air-conditioned. Therefore Satoshi was nicely boiled.

The driver, who was either a really old man or a young one without an insurance policy, was driving at a pace that even the nearby butterflies could wave at and snigger madly at while sailing past.

He was contemplating suicide when the woman beside him turned and slapped her pudgy hand across his chest and groaned something about 'her fluffy wuffy' and drooled all over his shoulder.

Now he was SERIOUSLY contemplating suicide.

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heka: Y'know I really pity Satoshi-kun here...

Dark-san: Then maybe you'll pity ME!

Heka: Why should I? It was fun making you scream little.

Dark-san: I give up.

Krad-san: Now review! :D


	4. Charlie!

Heka: Hello again everyone who doesn't like my story but still reads it anyway! I'm so happy that at least some people are reading my story… hahahha

Continuation!

---

Dark tapped his fingers impatiently on the wheel. He had rushed to take the driver's seat, after assessing that each family member was unable to drive due to one medical condition or the other. However, he had a job to finish and he was determined to do it.

He hummed a little and was starting to enjoy the silence when Emiko-san shrieked and pointed out of the window, successfully blasting everyone's eardrum to near deafness.

'There it is!' she screamed. 'The building! The mansion! The-'

'Yes dear we know what it is...' Kosuke replied trying to restrain his over-excited wife. 'Turn in, Dark.'

Dark rolled his eyes. Finally someone was acting serious around here, unlike Towa-chan who was chewing bubblegum, having discovered that it existed and popping it all over the place and giggling madly.

'Shut up Towa-chan.'

'Pop.'

'Never mind.'

Dark braked and turned the engine off. Stepping out of the car, he tossed the keys to Kosuke and stared up at the huge mansion. It loomed over him, with its resident bats screeching and flying about around the rooftop. The entrance was guarded by two huge granite dogs, which growled at every visitor and set the general mood to an all new low. Stepping on the few concrete steps up to the entrance, dark knocked on the heavy oak doors firmly.

Nothing happened.

He knocked again.

Still, nothing happened.

'Err, Dark? This house's _abandoned_ you know...' Daisuke whispered.

'Oh. Right. Sorry,' Dark grinned. 'Back to Daisuke now.'

Daisuke's signature red hair emerged as Dark retreated back to the safety of the back of Daisuke's mind.

Kosuke clapped his hands.

'Right, everyone let's scout around and set the traps. Daisuke, go away. We'll call you in a few hours,' he snapped, tossing Daisuke a handphone, which was a rather bad idea, judging from the scenario, but they weren't to know that now were they...

-----

Satoshi was tapping his fingers on the window ledge as the huge woman continued sleeping and drooling all over him. Finally, he was about the give her a piece of his mind when the woman's hand moved and she retreated back to her seat and snored on.

'I need a new shirt.'

'I need a new master.'

'You do not need a new master. I shudder to think of what the world would become if you were released into it.'

'Why? If I get released into the world, all it'll become is a little darker and gloomier and there'll be more mines and mad kittens and green bottles!'

'That's why.'

'Aawww!!'

Looking out of the window he noticed, rather far off, a car rambling on in a hap hazardous way. The colour of the car was strikingly familiar and it was a while before he remembered that as the car which massacred half of Japan before it turned off to the rural areas.

He also remembered that it was the Niwa's car.

Staring at the vehicle intently, he was at least assured that they were traveling in the same direction as the train. The car ride looked a lot rougher than the train though, with its passengers occasionally coming out to yell at each other about something.

Satoshi shrugged and turned back to face the front which culminated in an exciting view of the back of the chair in front of him.

'Great.'

'Hey! I know, I'm going to sing the green bottles song again! Do you remember where I stopped?'

'The number 126th,' deadpanned Satoshi.

'Excellent! 126 green bottles of whisky! Hanging on the wall! 126 bottles of whisky! Hanging on the wall! When one green bottle of whisky, had gotten another green bottle pregnant, the pregnant green bottle pushed him off the wall!'

'Wow. that's a new one.'

'I got imaginative. They're gonna get really downright dirty.'

'Really. How.'

'Like how the next green bottle of whisky is going to drink the OTHER green bottle of whisky! And for that, he doesn't count as a green bottle of whisky anymore is will be released from the eternal hell of green whisky bottles!'

'Sometimes Krad,' smiled Satoshi, 'You're pretty accurate, in an evil sort of way.'

-----

Daisuke trotted off into the huge mansion's gardens where they had passed along the way. Examining his handphone, he was glad he memorized the Harada residence's number. Casually, he pressed the digits on the handphone and placed the phone to his ear.

'Hello?'

'Hello, Risa-san please.'

'Please hold on for a moment.'

Dark jerked up in Daisuke's head. 'Risa? You're speaking to _her_? She's with me you goofball.'

'Shut up Dark.'

'Not that I want her of course, she's just one of the many girls that fall for my manly charms.'

'Hello? Niwa-kun?'

'Ahhh hi Risa-san! I'm quite free right now... so I was wondering... could we just talk for now...'

Off the phone he could hear Riku's voice. 'Risa? Put down the phone you idiot, we're going out soon!'

'Hey Niwa-kun, you heard Riku, I've got to go off right now... we're going off to some place that Grandpa Tsuba(is that his name?) bringing us...'

'Oh, oh okay, Risa-san... bye...'

'Sorry Niwa-kun! Bye!' The conversation ended here but as Risa held on to the phone; he could hear her answer her sister, 'Alright already! I'm coming! If you didn't tell me that Dark-san-'

The phone clicked, signaling the end. Dark, who had been dozing off in Daisuke's head jumped up again.

'Dark? Did I hear my name? What is she doing pronouncing it?'

'Dark, chill.'

'Hmmm... that sound suspicious.'

'Leave it, Dark. It's nothing.'

'Oh well. It's your life after all...'

Daisuke thought a while before calling Saehara's home, to pass the time.

---

The train had finally wheezed to a stop at the Obyaka station when Krad was at his 42th bottle. Krad had been quite disappointed that he had been unable to finish his song, and repeated warnings from Satoshi were wearing him down. Therefore he had decided that a nap was required and had switched off mentally immediately after the statement, giving Satoshi some well deserved silence.

Now it was time for the serious business to begin.

Once out of the rundown station, Satoshi had _tried_ hailing a cab, before finding out that there were _no_ cabs and that he had to walk.

He had taken a couple of deep breaths here, to prevent himself from screaming in anger and waking up Krad, who was sleeping like a baby.

He stood by the station for quite a while, as he thought. About forty five minutes to be exact, as he kept looking at his watch. Finally getting a brainwave, he slouched sullenly into a bicycle store, ignoring the couple of girls' remarks about how cool-looking he was in his glasses, and was about to glare down the shopkeeper when he was stopped by a voice.

'I AWAKE!!!'

'Oh damn.'

As he felt Krad stirring in his head, Satoshi took the nearest bicycle that looked in good condition to him and paid the man in record time, leaving the store just as Krad said, 'Good morning Charlie!'

Satoshi blinked, wheeling the bicycle to the edge of the town around the station.

'I am not Charlie.'

'You are and if you're not, you will be. From now on, your name will be Charlie!'

'Why.'

'It fits the bill.'

'Why Charlie? it could be good morning America for all I care, why Charlie?'

'I like Charlie. It sounds right too.'

'Right.'

'I DON'T CARE! I WANT THE NAME CHARLIE AND IT SHALL BE CHARLIE! DO NOT QUESTION THE ONE, KRAD!!'

Satoshi knew better than to argue with a grumpy Krad.

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heka: Hah! Now review! The One, Krad commands it!

Krad: Yes I do. Bwaaarrrgghh. (--'')

Heka: Act more… ferocious!

Krad: This is stupid.

Heka: That's why you're doing it. XD


	5. Country Songs?

Heka: Hey to all my lovely readers who read my story! You can not review… but I know you're there! No one reads my stories without loving me! :D

Like NaruNaru.O.k, Julia, MirokuLuvr, Lord Scribbles, ivyking, Hakudoshi-chan, blackmagic111090, and Hakudoshi-chan all over again!

Dark: No see, they read your stories for _me_. I am the Great Dark Mousy, thief of all trades! Aren't I wonderful…

Heka: Yes… But have to admit that yeah, Krad's seriously out of character here… but still, everyone loves him ne? Basically that's the whole point of the story, to see people out of character. But I _do _have a story planned out… sort of…

Dark: Does it have anything to do with me?

Heka: Yes.

Dark: Riku too?

Heka: Yes.

Dark: A Dark/Riku fic?

Heka: Weeeeellllll… since I am a big fan of that pairing…

Dark: Pleeeeeaassseee? So that I can be with her? (hugs Riku plushie)

Heka: Errr… we'll see. Anyway, you guys ain't here to see my rambling, you're here for the story! So here it is!

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Riku and Risa had been unceremoniously dragged from their mansion into their grandfather Tsuba's car. He had said something about bringing them to see a mansion of his that he had visited every year... something about it belonging to his uncle. They were in the backside of the car and being driven towards the place by a slightly out of sorts grandfather.

Riku chanced a whisper to her twin.

'Ne... Risa, do you think there's something wrong with him...? I've never seen grandfather Tsuba that...'

'Weird?' Risa supplied. She turned to the front seat. Grandfather Tsuba was there driving them, humming to himself and listening to country songs.

'Country songs? Have you ever heard him do country songs?' whispered Riku urgently.

'Actually, no.'

The twins settled for silence again as grandfather drove them out into the country.

Riku dared a question.

'Grandfather? Where are we going again?'

Grandfather turned back to the twins in a manner that reminded both of them of Japanese horror movies.

'Help me,' whimpered Risa automatically.

'We,' their grandfather smiled, 'are going to my uncle's mansion... where the famed Statuette of Carmelle is housed.'

---

Satoshi cycled his way labouriously across the wild grasses where the wildlife grew and fluttered across his face while laughing at his idiotic way of getting around and where his tires constantly met with cow dung.

'Damned cows.'

'Where did I stop at?'

'The 42nd green bottle of whisky.'

'I don't want to sing about 42 green bottles. I shall change it to...'

'Pi amount of bottles?' muttered Satoshi noncommittally.

'Oh! You mean... pi amount of green bottles of whisky, hanging on the wall, pi amount of green bottles of whisky, hanging on the wall when one green bottle encountered a dinosaur, there'll be 2.1415926535897932384626433832795 bottles, hanging on the wall!'

'Right… something like that.' He didn't even want to know where Krad found the time to divide 22 over 7.

'Hey, Satoshi? Where are we going?'

Satoshi stopped his bike in surprise. Krad was actually asking a question that had something to do with the mission? Wow.

'We're going to the Gorijuun mansion. It houses the Statuette of Carmelle, which I am damned sure that Dark will be planning to steal.'

'Why do you want to get it before him?'

'So that I can use the curse on it against him.'

'What's the curse?'

'This isn't twenty questions.' Satoshi wasn't too sure either.

'I'm only at the fifth question! Satoshi's mean!' Krad cried, sulking.

---

'...Oh, oh and do you remember the time when you were brave enough to ask Risa for her number? Man that was the best thing I ever caught on tape...'

Daisuke sighed. When Takeshi started on his Risa conquests, there was no stopping him. Dark, unfortunately had kept an ear tuned for this kind of thing and was laughing rather wickedly at the anecdotes.

'See Daisuke? I knew you were a lost case, you should leave Risa to me while you take her sister...'

'I thought you liked her, Dark,' Daisuke murmured. (A/N: Dark: I do, I do!)

'Who, what? Who's Dark? Who likes who?' Takeshi interrupted. Dark immediately fell silent.

'Err... nothing Takeshi... what were you saying?' Daisuke hurriedly replied.

'Ano... I forgot. Anyway, what's that buzzing sound?'

Indeed there was a buzzing sound coming from the vicinity. It couldn't be the surroundings, Daisuke had chosen a rather quiet spot... not that it had been difficult to find. It had to be at Takeshi's side then. He voiced this out to his friend.

'Nope... not me... I'm in my room, quiet place really...'

'It's the phone you idiot,' Dark finally remarked. 'This is what... the fifth time?'

'Hey Daisuke... I just remembered, can your phone receive phone calls while you're talking?' Takeshi wondered out loud.

'I don't know... oh no!' Daisuke gasped as realization hit him. 'Hey Takeshi, sorry but I got to go right now... bye!'

He hung up on Takeshi and looked at the phone's clock. It was past three. He had been talking on the phone for the past 2 hours!

His parents were so going to-

The handphone rang again, this time rather ominously.

'H-hello?' he stuttered.

'Daisuke!' his father barked. 'What have you been doing for the past hour?! We finished the preparations a long time ago! Come back to the mansion right now!'

'Hai!' he snapped to a salute, before hanging up and running back to the place.

---

'Why are we going to your uncle's house grandfather? What's the Statuette of Carmelle?'

Grandfather Tsuba sighed, his eyes suddenly filled with unshed tears, reminding the twins forcibly of a character who had sunny-side-up eggs for eyes.

'My granduncle was a famed sculptor in his time. He was married to Carmelle Kranjin, one of the most gorgeous women in the area. However she had been unable to bear him any children. He did not blame her, feeling that her love for him was enough. She had been devastated at her inability to bear him children and had committed suicide.'

The twins gasped audibly. Grandfather nodded.

'Yes.. .she did... in the highest room of the house, the attic. My grand uncle had been very depressed and carved the statuette as a mark of respect for her. To prevent anyone from stealing it however... he had a curse placed on it.'

'What curse was it, grandfather?'

'Since his wife had been unable to bear him babies... he thought that it'd be right if the statuette of her could.'

'Oh my goodness...' Risa muttered.

'Yes. It turns its would-be thieves into... babies.'

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heka: It's not funny, it's not funny! Oh no oh no! I've disappointed my readers!

Krad: But this was an explanatory chapter.

Heka: It still has to be funny! Stop being so serious Krad!

Krad: I resent that. Look at me in the story. What am I? This spoiled child with…

Dark: A mine bomb for a brain?

Krad: Why I oughta…Flexes fingers

Dark: Can't get at me because I am a main characteeeer… AAAiiiiiiieeeeee!!!

heka: Right. While Krad does something rated M-18 for Violence to Dark, we all know the drill ne?

(Sesshoumaru-sama's From Inuyasha. Who watches that wonderful anime as well? puppet comes up.

Sesshoumaru, in a squeaky voice: Review, review, reeeeeevvvviiiiiooooooo!!!


	6. Blood and Pocky

Heka: Hello all my great absolutely fabulous readers! I signed in today to 3 new reviews! I have more than 15 already! I'm so happy that you guys loved my story! Wheee!

Shigure: See I knew her madness was for something…

Heka: Did you know that the person who voiced Shigure voiced Dark?

Dark, Shigure: No.

Heka: Do you know how cool is that?!

Dark, Shigure: No.

Heka: And this year I'm getting my Os (Yeah now you know my age, I'm an old, old woman… hohohohoho) so I will update lesser and lesser. I am very disappointed with myself. I apologize for displeasing all of you! Sorry sooorrrrrrryyyyy!!!!!

Dark: She drags her introductions too fast sometimes.

Shigure: It's not _sometimes_, it's _all the time_.

---

Daisuke ran back to the mansion, sweat dripping from his brow. At least I'm not wearing black, he thought to himself as he continued pounding the dust to reach the spot. His mother had insisted that he wear black when he was going to do the thieving. Something that had to do with style.

Daisuke couldn't be bothered with style. all he wanted was to get the statuette and go home.

To the sweet sanity of his room...

'Ne, watch out,' Dark grinned.

All too late, Daisuke opened his eyes to his surroundings. The house was merrily disappearing in the distance.

Wait a minute, _disappearing?!_

He screeched to a stop, finally able to make out the words that had been shouted at him for the past few seconds.

'Daisuke! Over here! Where the heck are you going?!' his father thundered, waving madly.

Exhausted, he decided to walk over. Dark had been oddly silent in his head, perhaps he was...

'I'm just thinking on how to make myself sleep since I can't take part in such an exciting activity,' Dark sulked. 'Perhaps if you injected tranquilizers that would numb me... no it'll just kill your already numb brain...'

'Hey,' Daisuke objected weakly as he hurried over to his already angry dad.

'Daisuke. I have been trying to contact you for over an hour. If I find that your mother's handphone bills have risen by a mile, I will kill you,' he muttered in a quiet way that made Daisuke's hairs on the back of his neck stand.

'Ooh scary,' Dark sneered.

'Now get changed before your mother presses the panic button big enough for the entire state of Japan,' he directed to the car, where his mother waved to him enthusiastically, holding up a black top encouragingly.

'Oh goodness,' he sighed dejectedly as he went towards her.

---

'Did you know that I like Pocky?' Krad mused to Satoshi as the blue haired boy continued cycling towards his destination. Satoshi's pace had slowed down once he knew that he was reaching the mansion, through a rather inaccurate map purchased from a villager along the way out of the town.

'No,' Satoshi replied, still cycling. Krad expressed his amazement that his friend did not know what his favourites were.

'But you must know! Pocky is one of the most wonderful things that have ever been invented!' Krad replied earnestly. 'Did you bring any?'

'No.'

'Why? I must have Pocky. Pocky is wonderful.'

'No. we will NOT have Pocky.'

'But Pocky is good. When I am released-'

'You will NOT be released.'

'I will! Because!'

'Because what?'

'Because because!'

'Right.'

'If you don't get me Pocky, I won't help you on this project!'

Now this was a real threat. Satoshi sighed, his glasses glinting in the sunlight.

'How about we get you Pocky after the project?'

'Are you sure?'

'Pocky, as you said, is the most wonderful thing on earth. It won't be a loss to me if I don't get Pocky,' Satoshi mused.

'But-but- this is blackmail!' Krad stuttered.

'No it isn't. It's just negotiation.'

'I don't like negotiation.'

'Start liking it.'

Krad scrunched up his face in thought. 'But then, we get the chocolate Pocky okay?'

---

'Can you imagine Dark-san as a baby? He'd be so cuuuuuuuttee!' Risa squealed in the car. Riku rolled her eyes.

'Well... who said that Dark would want to steal this item?' Riku sulked.

'We're almost there Misses,' Grandfather announced. 'Do you mind if I eat a little of these lovely marshmallows? I have this inclination to do so.'

'Sure. I brought them so that they can be shared within us... what do you have planned for us today anyway?' Riku asked, passing him the packet.

'Oh you see, I thought that it would be quite alright with my family if I showed you lovely ladies around the place. We'll be spending the day at the mansion, exploring the place. Well,' here he gave a rather eerie chuckle. 'You'll be doing the exploring. I'll be... around.'

'Did the marshmallows DO something to him?' Risa murmured in awe.

'No no it's not the marshmallows. It's just the letter I got. It says something about having to come here today, love from Aunt Carmelle.'

'Isn't she like dead?'

'Apparently not, here's the letter.'

Riku took the letter. She read it. Then she read it again.

'What are you talking about... it's dated a couple of decades ago!'

'Oh. Really? Then we came here for nothing! Do you want to turn around?'

'What?!'

'Who what where?' Risa exclaimed.

'You are Risa Harada. You are going to your grandfather's grandaunt's house. And you're in our car,' Riku smirked. Risa gave her a disgusted look.

'I know that, I was just exclaiming.'

'Oh really. I thought you suffered from memory loss or something.'

'Why I ought to...'

'Girls! Do you want to turn around?' Grandfather Tsuba asked again, this time in a stricter tone.

'Err...' Riku turned to her sister, who was looking out of the window in sudden interest.

'No, we will go there,' Risa replied firmly, turning away from the window, smiling.

'May I know why?' grounded Riku, as their grandfather genially continued on the road.

Risa turned to her, smiling even wider, which made Riku fear for her sanity for a while.

'I just saw Hikari Satoshi cycling in the same direction as us. Find Hikari, find Dark.' she added in a calculating tone that it chilled Riku's blood.

---

Heka: Yea, that's like about it… evil me… yes yes…

Shigure: You're not very good as an author you know…

Heka: The channel that once showed Inuyasha no longer does… -Weep- so now they have… Hellsing! Alucard is so obviously Dracula. Check the reversal of his name.

Dark: It's not very nice to reveal stuff. People here might actually _like_ the anime you know!

Heka: I'm such an evil person.

Krad: Like me!

Dark, Shigure: We guessed. Now review!


	7. Still Pocky

Helllllooo my faithful readers! I'm back! For now that is. Ah well. I'd like to thank all my new readers who reviewed! The rest of you are very naughty. You should review. I am doing so much work just to get it in for you!

To: Lillith, whose stories I also read.

Hakudoshi-chan, great and faithful reviewer, the One who Watched Inuyasha cause I said so!

Naosuke, of the cute Krad Pockyness; great fan of any insanity. Whee!

Lord Scribbles, who's 'About Me' used to be very Satoshi-orientated, reducing me into giggles.

CrazyinsaneAnimeFanGirl, who compelled me to continue because if I didn't, I'll get badly pummeled.

Drareg, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! Wheeeee, shall forever love you

And last but not least, Trever!

Dark as a baby would be very, very, _very _interesting.

---

Dark: Wait! Wait! We havent' even gotten in our usual crappiness at the beginning of every chapter!

Shigure: Don't you dare cut us out!!!

Dark: Yeah!

Shigure: Yeah!

Heka: Well? Anything you guys want to say?

Shigure, Dark: Yeah!

Heka: Very helpful.

Shigure, Dark: Yeah!

Heka: Right. Tuning out now…

Shigure, Dark: Hey! Hey! Hey...oneoneoneelevenelevenlevenoneoneone!!

---

Daisuke was in a sleeveless tight black top with three vertical stripes running from the turtleneck to the hem of the shirt. His mother had also insisted that he wore some track pants, which were, not surprisingly, black.

'I am going to boil in here, oka-san!'

'Nonsense!' his mother had laughed. 'Dark-san would like them.'

'I do like them, albeit I can't technically wear them,' Dark piped up from the recesses of Daisuke's mind.

'Shut up, Dark.'

'He likes it ne?' his mother smiled at him widely. 'Now off you go.'

Now Daisuke peeked through the front door of the mansion. He was, finally, standing on the porch of the house that he was supposed to steal something from.

'Do you even know what this house is called? Or what you're supposed to steal?' Dark had mumbled.

Daisuke stopped short.

'Erm... no. I don't.'

'Wonderful! I'll just sit here and watch you die or something okay?'

'Dark...'

'Go ask your dad. He's the only sensible one here.'

'Very well.'

Daisuke turned on his heel and strode to his father, who was currently shouting at his mother, about something that had to do with phones and black.

'Err dad?'

'What?!'

'What's this place called? Dark's thieving instincts demand that he know what I'm supposed to steal and where.'

Daisuke's father clicked his tongue impatiently. His mother wisely decided to vanish into the car, on the pretext of getting a cool drink.

'It's called the Gorijuun Mansion. This is where the Statuette of Carmelle is housed.' he turned to look straight at his son's ruby eyes.

'And that's what you're going to steal today.'

---

Satoshi cycled on, his eyes stuck on the road that stretched ahead of him like a treacherous sand-coloured snake.

'It doesn't really require that drastic a description right? It's just a road for goodness sake.'

'You cycle then.'

'I don't wanna!' Krad pouted. 'Okay!'

Satoshi only remembered a sudden rush of wind before he found himself trapped in a place where fluffy pink rabbits threw grenades at each other while counting out the 546th number of the symbol pi.

He dodged a rabbit-thrown grenade, which hummed the green bottle song as it whizzed across his face and refused to tell another what was the reminder after you divided 50 by 7.

'KRAD!!' he thundered, after discovering that the floor was made of toffee.

'What?' came the innocent omnipresent voice.

'Are you really cycling?'

---

Outside was much, much, _much_ more fun than his head, Krad decided cheerfully, as he wobbled rather precariously on his tamer's bicycle. Okay, he liked the rabbits and could do with a few now, and still, nothing beat the toffee floor, his ears were still ringing with Satoshi's cry of fury. It was the best, he felt, to see the neat boy knee deep in sticky brown toffee.

Toffee was good!

'Krad! I demand that you get rid of the toffee floor!'

'Never! Wa hahahahahahaha!!!'

'If you don't tell me how to get rid of the floor I'll...' Satoshi paused for effect.

'You will?' Krad echoed, curious.

'I will... I mean I won't... TELL YOU WHERE TO GET MONEY FROM!!'

'What's up with money? I don't need it.'

'You'll need it, Krad... to get... POCKY!'

Krad screamed and screeched the brakes on his bike.

'YOU WOULDN'T!!!' he howled. 'YOU WOULDNT DENY ME POCKY!!'

'I can and I will! Now tell me how to get rid of the toffee floor!' one could see that Satoshi, the poor boy was actually getting quite desperate. Who wouldn't, he was stuck knee deep in toffee and sinking slowly. It was ridiculous to anyone to die in toffee.

Even Krad thought so too and taunted him mercilessly.

'You're sinking!' Krad laughed. 'Sinking sinking, in a yellow submarine! And then we'll drink coffee and make silly grins!'

'I am sinking! Therefore, you better tell me NOW... or I sink... and then die... and never tell you how to get Pocky...'

'Fine, fine... Charlie,' he added. 'Just eat the floor and it will disappear.'

'Why?'

'Why? It's because toffee runs my mind. I don't need to eat it for my mind to run, it's already in there.'

'Does that make sense?'

'Nope. Never did. That's why it always works.'

'Gnnh!' Satoshi winced. Closing his eyes, he willed himself to stick his tongue out and taste the toffee.

It vanished and Satoshi fell on hard cold floor. Krad was laughing.

'Yaaaaaaayyy!! Satoshi-kun ate toffee! Satoshi-kun ate toffee!'

This was going to be very difficult to live down.

---

As a side note, Riku and Risa were unfortunate enough to glance outside the window just then to see someone vaguely familiar in white laughing madly on a bicycle while careening dangerously around.

The event was never mentioned again under the Harada's residence.

---

'We didn't see that right?'

'See what?'

'Good.'

The twins leant back on the car again. Grandfather Tsuba had said that they had a good forty five minutes left before they reached the house. It was going to be a long one this time. The bicycle man had disappeared from the road.

'How about you girls go take a nice long nap, it ought to do you some good, as I have no idea what you were doing last night...' he smiled suggestively.

Risa flushed. She had spent the previous on the phone with the astrological service, figuring out even more of her romantic ties with the thief, Dark Mousy. Riku, frustrated with her sister's stupidity for the longest time, had finally pulled the wire out of its socket, which subsequently ignited one of the largest arguments in the Harada's mansion.

'Stupid girl. Dark isn't suitable for you, that's all. He's too air headed for his own good.'

'You're just jealous.'

'Oh god.'

'Now, now,' Grandfather Tsuba warned gently, tapping on the wheel, as he passed another badly made cross.

Riku's head turned as she kept her eyes on the cross.

'We've been seeing quite a number of these ne?'

Risa, forgetting their argument, looked out of the window and saw the fast disappearing cross.

'Yeah. I wonder what they mean. Usually crosses are for like graves or something... but that's impossible right?' Risa laughed.

'I don't know, I have been seeing them for quite a while now...'

'Ah well. Forget it,' Grandfather Tsuba smiled. 'Just have a nap now, I'll tell you when we reach there.'

---

Dark's eyes snapped open.

'The Statuette of Carmelle? Is your father insane? Does he know that it's cursed?' he howled in Daisuke's head. Daisuke winced.

'I don't think so... what's it cursed with?' Daisuke asked mentally, as he readied himself for his task, in front of the ominous looking front door.

'Beats me. Just be alert then,' Dark shrugged. Daisuke nodded.

'I will.'

'Hey Daisuke, we're going back now, your mom wants to go shopping! We expect you back home at night!' his father called from the driver's seat. Daisuke waved at the leaving family, his hand reaching for the front door knob.

'I'll tell you again... be alert... you don't know-'

Daisuke hadn't heard Dark's words after the first syllable. He had placed his hand on the metal door knob, and had subsequently been electrocuted senseless by his adoring family.

'Whaaaatttt?!!!'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dark: THE STUPID BOY!!!!!

Krad: It's not his fault that he's got such an idiotic angel, who can't even tell the difference between peanut butter and baby food.

Dark: That's not true, okay?

Krad: Okay then, go on and tell me the difference between this and this. (Takes out two plates, one with peanut butter smeared over a piece of bread on the plate, and another with baby food smeared over the other piece of bread.)

Dark: Errr…

Krad: A or B?

Shigure: Pick A!

Riku: What the hell.

Risa: I don't care what you pick, I still love you!

Sesshoumaru: I don't belong here.

Heka: Everyone belongs here, because they have been brought here by me! Wa hahahaha- (Is burnt by Sesshy.)

Sesshoumaru doesn't like me! Oh, yes, anyone can guess what the crosses are? Smirk, there's a big hint in the story already! Guess and I'll give you a lollipop!

Love, heka!


	8. Oily Goodness

Hi everyone! Hahaha, sorry I'm so bloody late again, this is O Level year man, our teachers pile us up with homework every weekend! But since I knew it couldn't disappoint my faithful readers, I had to post up something!

People got the cyber lollipops!

Kute Anime Kitty: The first one! Yay! (hands out lollies)

Blackmagic111090: Doesn't get a lollipop but gets a nice toffee all the same for attempting the question! (Toffee?)

Naosuke: Gets a lollipop for creative answer! Go Naosuke:D

Lord Scribbles: Gets a toffee for reviewing! (Reviews make sense! Me like your reviews! Yeah!)

Trever: Gets a toffee for just reviewing too! (Me likes you as a reader! You is nice like all my friends when they read my story!)

Leonhart Zero: Toffee for reviewing! (Noob reader! Comment more! Hahahahahah!)

Kaqi kistune: gets a lollipop for being a nice reviewer and answering my question! (Another noob! I likes you toooo!)

Shigure: Frankly I have no idea who wants toffee now, seeing what awful effects it has on such maniacs.

Dark: It's just scary thinking about it…

Oh yeah!

CrazyInsaneAnimeFanGirl: So sorry that I disappointed you on this, and I shall have to disappoint you again on this… weeps. The chibification will come when the time is right, as you can see, it might be on the next or the next after the next:D Must stay tuned! Hope the madness still rocks you!

Shigure: Oh yeah, she's definitely high on sugar on something. Tackle her!

Heka: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

-

Krad grinned wider as he saw the mansion slowly materialize out of the dust like a grayish fat cloud on the horizon. Satoshi had taken to pacing around the boring marble floor in his head, which was annoying and obviously boring. He decided to have some fun, as Satoshi hadn't seen the mansion yet.

'Hey, SATOSHI!' he yelled mentally. Satoshi jumped as though receiving a huge electrical shock and fell onto the marble floor unceremoniously, his glasses askew. Krad doubled over with laughter. 'We reached the mansion!'

Satoshi growled at Krad, massaging his side. 'I guessed.'

'Do you want me to fly into the building majestically or crash your bicycle through the front door or...'

'Neither. Stop outside and we will go in quietly,' Satoshi muttered. 'Let me do this. I am more inconspicuous than a great big dirty flying thing like you.'

'But Satoshi I wanted to surprise Dark!'

'For all we know, with such a stupid tamer, he could still be outside the house suffering from memory loss.'

'Why?' Krad asked.

'Because he lost his keys,' finished Satoshi viciously.

'Oh,' Krad thought in silence for a while as he continued cycling. 'I still don't get it.'

Satoshi straightened himself. 'Let me through,' he commanded Krad.

-

Daisuke sat up groggily, clutching his spinning head. Dark wasn't making his recovery any better, screeching at him about how stupid he could be, since that door was so obviously electrocuted, hello that was the basic law of any decent self respecting thief to never ever _ever_ on any circumstances touch a bloody front door when it had been left just so ALONE like that in a booby trapped house, ESPECIALLY when it came to his family and his mad mother...

'Fine, fine Dark... I get the picture...' he groaned.

He stood up again, and dusted himself. Looking around, he was glad that his family hadn't been sitting by the veranda of the mansion and was grading him. if they were, he would have gotten a big fat zero, like the last time he did something so stupid...

He glanced around the front door. The windows on either side of the door were invitingly open but they probably had something like a tub of scorpions waiting for him on the other end or were similarly electrified like the door. Dusting his hands, he looked and found a small opening above the door, covered in stained glass. He smiled.

'Finally you're using your brains.'

Crouching down with his back to the door, he leapt and his hands caught hold of the top of the wooden doorway. Curling into a ball, he pushed off the wooden doors and nearly slipped, finding out that his mother had thought of that idea to get in as well. however, thanking his wits for getting new track shoes the day before, he managed to get a grip and swinging himself up, he broke through the window feet first and somersaulted through the window into the house, landing on his feet.

Instinctively, he leapt off again before the floor opened up below him into a secret compartment.

Dark applauded politely. 'You're improving.'

Peeping down into the secret compartment, Daisuke found his curiosity unrewarded, as the secret compartment slammed shut again, nearly taking his head off with it. He turned around to face the grand hall of the mansion. his feet was on a velvet rich crimson carpet which extended into the darkness, where he could faintly make out two enormous spiraling staircases which turned to join each other again on the landing, which was presumably the second floor. He looked to his left and right. There were three doors on both sides, which extended the possibilities of the statuette being in eight places, or more. the entire hall had four marble pillars supporting it, all with huge dragons curling around them. There was something wrong with the dragons but before Daisuke could point that out, Dark muttered, 'Look at the walls again.'

Turning his head obediently, he saw that both walls which were oak paneled were lined with little holes, where his father should have drilled to put in poisonous arrows.

Dark clicked his tongue. 'How cliché.'

Daisuke's eyes wandered over to the four pillars of dragons again. There was something wrong with them... really... but he couldn't place it until it finally hit him.

The dragons were staring right at HIM.

'Damn!' Dark muttered. 'Get out of there; get out now, now, now!'

Daisuke was glad to comply, for just as dark had warned him about that, the dragons started breathing fire.

-

Risa and Riku were finally asleep on the car when grandfather Tsuba slammed the brakes down in the car. the car jerked to a stop, as the twins awoke with a shock.

'What the hell!' Riku exclaimed. Risa gasped.

'Your language!' she screeched, adding more mayhem in the car than needed. Grandfather Tsuba, hearing the words, started lecturing at Riku, who was still in shock about the entire thing, while Risa shrieked her head off about how her sister was going to become a hooligan and take drugs and booze, coming home at midnight... or worst, later!

However, the madness stopped as soon as someone tapped on the door gently. The trio turned to see Niwa Emiko smiling down on them like some beautiful goddess.

'Hey, come on out!' she smiled through the window. In truth, grandfather Tsuba had slammed down on the brakes because he had seen the Niwa's car bumbling happily towards them like a giant red setter puppy and had feared for his life, thus slamming down on the brakes. Whilst the Harada family had been going on about Riku's language, the Niwa family had emerged from their car, grinning sheepishly, and Emiko had been sent as Ambassador to the Other Car on the Other End of the Road.

Rather mollified, the Harada family stepped out of the car into the bright sunlight. It was about five in the afternoon, where the Niwa family was deserting their only son in favour of Haagen-Dazs ice cream that could only be found _if_ they _ever_ reached the city. Grandfather Tsuba stepped out and offered his apologies, while Niwa Kosuke was also apologizing profusely for his suicidal driving.

Risa and Riku stepped out just as Towa-chan emerged from the Niwa's car with a huge basket.

'Let's have a picnic!' she exclaimed happily, waving the basket of goodies around.

The suggestion was so ludicrous to the Harada family that the trio just gaped as Emiko gushed on about how perfect Towa-chan's timing was.

Kosuke who was still considered sane by few, paused and frowned.

'Weren't we supposed to have this earlier, when Daisuke was still around... you know, as his dinner? Because he won't have any?'

Towa-chan's eyes grew big and round. Then she laughed.

'Oh silly me! I forgot!'

Riku and Risa blinked. Daisuke wasn't around? He wasn't going to have his dinner? Was his family really his family? Was Neil Armstrong's first words 'One small step for me, one giant step for Man'? Why couldn't it be 'Damn I need to pee'? Or perhaps 'I can't walk properly in this thing'?

The questions were endless.

-

Satoshi took a grateful breath when Krad finally relinquished his control on the physical world. Krad however, wasn't that happy.

'I will return with an army of maaadd bunnnniiiieeeeeeeeesss!' he howled as he returned to his mad little mind world at the back of Satoshi's head. Adjusting his glasses properly, he was about to grasp the doorknob of the Gorijuun Mansion when his sixth, no seventh instinct warned him about the innocent door knob.

The sixth sense he had was used for detecting Dark.

'Charged?' his mind wondered. Krad nodded vigourously.

'Touch it touch it! I always liked the mad rush I get whenever you get struck by lightning!' Krad urged him.

Satoshi ignored him and looked up, where he saw the broken glass window. Krad was languishing on the fact that it was broken glass and how it reflected Satoshi-kun's life as Satoshi single-mindedly scrambled up the oil painted door, only to discover that oil was in fact, flammable, and that a column of fire was heading their way.

'Damn,' he murmured, before being blown away when the flame and oil-rigged door came in contact.

-

Whoo! It's 3am! Hahaha!

Shigure, Dark: Sugar rush.

Not true!

Shigure: True.

Dark: True!

Sorry it couldn't be longer! I've got stuff in my head that's dying to come out but it's too late! Oh no! I've got church tomorrow… and I hope that this chapter was good enough for you! Shall try to update more often, don't forget to review else Sesshoumaru will kill you!

Sesshoumaru: I do not belong here. I will not kill without reason.

Heka: Don't force me to use the secret weapon!

Sesshoumaru: Secret weapon? This Sesshoumaru would like to see the 'Secret Weapon' you possess.

Heka: Okay! Rin!

Sesshoumaru: … Damn.

Heka: Rin, tell Sesshoumaru to kill all who don't review!

Rin: But that's bad!

Heka: Don't say anything and I won't give you lollies.

Rin: Okay! Sesshoumaru! Kill all who don't review! Wa hahahahaahaxxx!

Sesshoumaru: … Rin?

Rin: Kill!

Shigure: Moving away from murdering child… right about _now_…

Dark: Me pities Rin's future husband…

Heka: Oh and I am a Sess/Rin fan! Go them:D Who's one too!


	9. In the Mansion Finally

Shigure: She's back again.

Dark: Oh brother.

Shigure: She'll be acting like Ritsu.

Dark: Who's that?

Shigure: In the Furuba series, Ritsu is the man who dresses like a girl and apologizes furiously. (I'm from Furuba! Yes I am!)

Dark: You mean she's going to dress up as a guy and apologize madly?

Shigure: I thought she always dressed up as a guy.

Heka: Sooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy!Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry! I am so sorry that I'm late! I've been getting a rather bad writer's block recently, funny things aren't coming as they used to you know…

Shigure, Dark: No, we don't.

Heka: Shigure! You should know! You're an author!

Shigure: Ah yes. Writer's block. Mit-san always has an ability to create those.

Mit-san: Sensei!

Shigure: Oh dear.

Mit-san: Sensei? Sensei! Sensei! You're not allowed to run today!

Dark: Who?

Heka: His editor. Which, thank goodness, I don't have one.

Shigure: Goodbye friends.

Dark: Yes. Goodbye.

Heka: On with the story!

* * *

The Harada twins were caught up in some nightmare that would only happen in stupid horror movies. Why was it so agonizing and who the heck up there designed it so that they would be the few who would experience it? 

Whosever up there had a cruel sense of humour.

They were caught in a picnic so devastating terrifying that Risa, as the younger and naturally more sensitive of the twins, was about to go around the bend and start singing songs like 'this is the song that never ends...'

Riku was basically in shock and thus was unable to move.

That however, hadn't prevented the more mischievous of the Niwa family, that is, Towa Chan, from drawing a mustache on her face using some permanent markers. No one had said anything about it. Everyone was too afraid to do so, not wanting to see or hear Riku's reaction even though they could get to oh, about six miles away before she actually discovered she had been doodled upon.

It was soon reaching five, and the families were starting to pack up and go home when Riku suddenly snapped out of her stunned expression.

'How about Daisuke?' she asked everyone else.

Risa smiled at her.

'Let's go visit him then!'

Riku nodded her head and got up, ignorant that everyone was inwardly laughing at her face. Grandfather Tsuba regained his composure and opened the door for the twins for them to enter the car. Riku happened to glance at the dark glass of the car and noticed that there was something wrong with her face.

'Is there anything on my face, Risa?' she asked, touching her face instinctively.

Risa blanched and flushed. 'N-nothing, sister.'

Grandfather Tsuba wisely decided to look away before his urge to laugh gave him away.

Riku noticed that the Niwa family was sneaking away just as Risa turned away too, to hide her snicker. She glowered at the indiscriminating family.

'WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY FACE!' she screeched just as the family started running.

* * *

Daisuke could only remember rolling about on the floor, desperately dodging all the great big flaming balls of fire as the dragon statues shot at him repeatedly. When he had evaded the first blast of fire, he remembered hearing a sound 'BOOP', like the door behind him had been blown out of its hinges. He really couldn't be bothered now, what with his clothes and body in danger of burning up in flames and the fact that Dark was screaming out ridiculous remarks in his head wasn't really helping.

'No nonononono watch out for the smear on the floor! The clothes will get stained!'

'What smear!' Daisuke yelled as he landed on a crouch at the left corner of the room. He saw that a corridor was quite close to him and made his mind up.

'Ach, never mind. Fireball!'

Daisuke leapt from his crouch and NEARLY rolled into the empty corridor as another fireball landed at where he was a couple of seconds ago before he heard a soft 'whoosh' and a 'pop' and the next thing he knew was that he was in a net. A rather tight net, to be exact.

'Oh damn it...' Dark muttered to himself as Daisuke fumbled with the close netting. 'The arrows! That was what they were for!'

'Yes! I guessed, Dark!' Daisuke cried, his voice raising in hysteria as the net grew tighter and the flames crept closer. 'Help me get out of this!'

'Hey, I'm not allowed to do so, Daisuke.' Dark shrugged. 'If you die, leave the clothing to me okay?'

'Dark!' Daisuke yelled, exasperated, as he stretched the flimsy material which, ironically, held him trapped. He tugged harder and harder, hoping that his family hadn't truly planned his death in this kind of situation; and pulled with all his might.

The net still held on.

Becoming more desperate, he started biting at the material, which strangely felt like raffia string. Getting an idea, he started gnawing at the rope like an animal. Dark groaned.

'What? The noble Niwa family reduced to biting through a rope?' he sneered. Daisuke growled inwardly.

'Who cares, dark, I'm getting out of this trap no matter what...' he muttered through the rope and his teeth. Grinding his teeth deeper, he finally felt the material weaken under the onslaught as he noticed, once more with frightening clarity, that the flames were almost onto him.

The rope snapped between his teeth. Spitting out bits of rope with distaste, Daisuke pulled at the opening he made with more vigor, and heard the satisfying snapping sounds as the net disintegrated into pieces.

Leaping out from the floor, he patted several parts of his more sensitive anatomy, as they had decided to catch fire just as he broke free from his bonds. Ignoring the pain, he jumped towards the corridor and was awarded by the flooding of lights as he stood up in silent awe, watching the luxurious red carpet in the hall burn up.

And then he noticed that the red carpet extended throughout the huge roomy hall, into the corridors, and he looked at his feet.

He was standing on the red carpet.

'Crap,' Dark muttered as Daisuke started sprinting again.

He was passing doors... desperately he wrenched one of the doors opened and nearly tipped over as he saw that the door opened to a huge chasm which appeared to be endless.

'Mother really went all out this time eh?' Daisuke gasped, his fists gripping the doorknob so tightly that his knuckles were white.

'Yes!' Dark agreed fervently. 'She really did. Now get moving before we become charbroiled.'

* * *

Satoshi blinked and opened his eyes, sitting up on the cold marble floor. Looking around, he saw that the place was undeniably shiny, with a classic 'ping'-ing quality in it, and as he looked down, he saw intricate symbols carved onto the floor and suddenly realized what horrible thing had happened.

'Ah crap.'

'I see that you're awake! Hello Satoshi-kun! Good morning!'

'It's not morning. It's evening,' Satoshi muttered. 'What happened?'

'Krad grinned, okay- Satoshi didn't actually see it happened but he could _feel_ Krad's evil grin because he knew Krad so well, as if you were Krad you would grin too right?- and didn't reply. Satoshi's eyebrows went up.

'Tell the truth.'

'No!'

'Tell the truth!'

'Never!'

'Fine. Don't tell me. I'm not interested anyway,' Satoshi replied, crossing his arms.

'Then I'll tell you then since you're not interested. It will sooooo irritate you soooo!' Krad laughed, dragging out several select syllables. 'After you got exploded by the evil flaming door, we fleeeeewwwwwww into a BUSH! And then the bush caught FIRE! And then-'

Satoshi didn't need Krad's over-explosive explanation to get the picture. He must have fainted after that and Krad, being the idiot that he was, must have moved in for the kill.

'-all dead and such and I, being the great and generous Krad that I am, decided to override your systems and get you out of there before you were buuuuurrrrnnnnnttttt to death!' he bellowed rather self-righteously.

'Don't lie to me. You did that to save yourself,' Satoshi muttered, rolling his eyes.

Krad pouted. 'I didn't do nothing, no!'

Satoshi groaned inwardly. Triple negatives? Oh how he hated English.

'So what are you doing now pray tell?' he asked in general, as he worked out the triple negatives, i.e. Krad did do nothing getting rid of the last 'no', Krad didn't do anything, citing the 'nothing' and finally... Krad did do nothing, resulting with the final 'didn't'.

English was a complicated language.

'We're flying!' Krad exclaimed rather unhelpfully.

'I know, you stupid angel, I can hear the birds screaming as they dodge you. Tell me where we are,' Satoshi muttered.

'We're flying over some sand... there's a bush, another bush, ooh the broken door... the house approaches!' Krad shouted, giving Satoshi an earful with his running commentary. 'Do you want me to land?'

Satoshi merely decided on glaring. He had a lot of things that he felt that he could do to Krad right now but he decided to glare just for the sake of doing so. 'Yes Krad. If you don't land-'

'Can we buy Pocky then?' Krad cut in hopefully.

'No. Land. Now.' Satoshi ordered. 'And change back into me. Or else.'

The snow white angel landed easily in the yard of the Gorijuun Mansion, where they had been previously blown to oblivion by a fireball. Now the doorway was opened but he could still hear the roaring of the fire as the dragons continued blasting the front hall. Satoshi knew that he had to wait for a while for the flames to subside, and sadly, give Daisuke the jumpstart that he so obviously required. Bugger life.

Then Krad added something which would make Satoshi curse and swear about his life for a few more minutes.

'But Satoshi-kun perhaps you failed to notice? You're naked.'

* * *

Risa could only watch in stunned silence as she saw the person she resembled so much beat the life out of the Niwa family. She couldn't help feeling sorry for her sister, the word 'lesbian' had been scrawled over her face and neck, saying something about Towa-Chan's writing skills. Then there was the little sun and moon graffiti on her nose and the cat's face on her forehead with the words written again, 'Riku the cat killing goddess of doom' across her forehead, over the cat's face, when cats had absolutely nothing to do with the entire situation. 

Perhaps Towa-Chan liked cats.

However, her grandfather dragged her away, whispering to her that they had better leave now before night really fell. Kosuke had also taken up residence at the saner side of life, dragging a furiously gesturing Emiko and a placid looking grandfather away from the brawl and into the car.

And then he very bravely, in everyone's opinion, dived into the smoky battleground and dragged Riku away from the kicking maid. Riku's face hadn't changed much, Towa-Chan had made sure of that, writing everything in permanent marker, and Riku was nearly crying in exasperation.

'I can't get rid of them! I can't! I just can't!' Riku had muttered over and over to herself. Risa was beginning to think otherwise of what thought to be a harmless prank: perhaps Riku might be mentally scarred for life? Grandfather Tsuba was taking care of the situation with magnificent calm.

'Come on, Riku dear, we'll get you all cleaned up... go to the nearest house and find the bathroom and some soap and you're as good as new!'

'If it was that easy,' Riku sobbed into her hands as she got into the car, 'why are they called permanent markers then?'

'Well...' Grandfather hesitated. Risa decided to be kind to her poor elder sister for once.

'It's just advertising. They're always lying you know...'

Riku stopped sniffing into her hands and looked up with a new steely glint in her eye.

'Well I hope so. Or else that Towa woman's going to get it so bad that she wouldn't know what drew on her!'

Risa knew that this was supposed to make her frightened or filled with slight dread as their grandfather got into the driver's seat in front of them. However the sight of Riku with a badly drawn face and the words 'cat killing goddess' still quite clear in the dim lighting of the car, the words didn't really have the same effect as they should have- actually all she felt like doing was laughing.

* * *

Dark breathed a sigh of relief as Daisuke finally entered one room with no evil traps, monsters or other oddities that the woman might have installed in a fit of enthusiasm. They had passed by many rooms, opening practically all the doors, filled with enough traps to practically kill off the entire state of North Korea but no statuette. there was one room where all there had been was light and while Daisuke stupidly blindfolded himself and decided to work on his sense of touch as he crawled on his knees, Dark had been screaming dire warnings into his head as well, on about how, with his eyes closed was he able to find the statuette? Did he even know how it looked it? Or perhaps... 

All had ended when Daisuke picked something which vaguely felt like a statue but when he opened his eyes in the bright room, nearly blinding himself in the process was a stick of very nicely carved dynamite.

The fuse was burning.

Daisuke escaped the room just in time before the stick exploded, taking the bright searchlight in the room with it.

There had been another room which led to another room and another door which opened back to the next room with pretty flowers as the wallpaper and then there was another door which led back to the same corridor that Daisuke had been when he opened the first door. The poor boy had been horribly confused by the door-maze and had gone through the entire thing all over again just to be sure that he wasn't missing anything.

'Your mother is mad.'

Now as Daisuke walked slowly into the centre of the room, looking around and absorbing his surroundings, which reminded him of a vintage hotel, Dark suddenly remembered the fire.

'Hey is it still burning out there? Close the door so as to prevent us from being burnt to death... you know, the usual.'

Daisuke peeped out of the door. 'Nope it isn't burning any more. Funny.'

Daisuke looked around. The room was strangely a hexagonal shape, with six sides. The floor was made of pink velvet and the lights in the room were kerosene powered. There weren't many lights anyway. Stepping into the centre of the room, Daisuke looked around and scratched his head. There were absolutely no windows around. As he stood there tapping his foot, he suddenly heard a far off rumble. The ground he was stepping on sank by a few inches and in fright, Daisuke leapt off the depression. Sinking for a few inches, it stopped and the ceiling opened up over the depression and a table fell into the slight hole, fitting it perfectly. Drawn on the surface of the table, which was also six-sided, was a six sided star with two points that were opposite of each other painted in the same colours. The star was basically like a whole net, where lines had been drawn across each other and where they intercepted, circles had been drawn, like a place something was supposed to stand on. Each point of the star had six circles, which fitted into the point perfectly. Daisuke heard Dark gasp.

'Oh your mother is a wicked one...' he muttered as counters began dropping onto the circles in the star. 'This is Chinese Checkers. you're in charge of one group of six counters and you're supposed to get to the other side of your point, see the same colours... yes get there before your opponent.'

There were eighteen counters of three different colours on the six sided star, six counters occupying one colour of one point of the star. The rumbling stopped as a piece of paper floated down onto the table.

Daisuke picked it up and read it.

'Cross the game to leave the room

Lose the game to gain an untimely doom.'

Dark groaned. 'Man your mother is lame. If she wants to think up of riddles and rhymes, at least think up of better ones!'

'I wonder what my untimely doom...is,' Daisuke wondered out loud. As if on cue, the room rumbled again and the six walls of the hexagonal room moved an inch closer. Daisuke froze.

'Oka-san's going to kill me!' he shrieked, running for the door, which slammed shut in his face. Daisuke scrabbled at the knob, the hinges, anything but the door wouldn't budge.

'Nooooo!'

* * *

Satoshi sat, stiff with shock. He could not believe that he, Hikari Satoshi, youngest commander of the police force ever, would be reduced to this. 

Stealing clothes. Stealing clothes from what appeared to be a_ female's_ room.

Krad sighed. 'I'm sorry Satoshi-kun but there wasn't any other choice! Unless you wanted the kiddies' room of course...'

He and Krad were in the second floor of the house, Krad threw a brick at the window of the room, only to see a huge hammer swing out from in the room smashing the window from the inside and of course, throwing the brick back at them with huge force. The duo had been silenced by this for a few seconds, as they contemplated where- no, _what _they would have been should they have actually just flew through the window into the room. Krad gulped.

'Well.'

'Mrs. Niwa's skill at trapping is commendable,' Satoshi breathed.

'Yes. Very.'

They had stepped very cautiously into the room as well, only to see the floor strewn with tiny jacks, jacks which, instead of the conventional pricking your feet, went for exploding them. Hovering over the floor, Krad had squirmed his way to the cupboard and thrown it open only to get a very big punch in the face. Knocked out he landed on the floor, setting off a chain reaction with the excitable jacks which still didn't wake him up. Satoshi took control and peeped into the cupboard and was immediately frozen.

Krad, back in Satoshi's head and fresh from his encounter with the exploding jacks, sulked as Satoshi looked around the room, trying to forget what he just saw in the cupboard.

There were many toys about in this room, toys which looked like they had never been played with before. A tiny bed, almost like a cot, besides the window and at the corner of the room, was the cupboard. There wasn't anything else in the room, just toys, toys and more toys, all of different sizes and shapes. The door stood innocently at the other end of the room. Covering the wall of the room were tessellations of diamonds and shapes of many different sizes, and when Satoshi felt them, they were made out of velvet, like the floor. The whole room was a very bright magenta but in the sunset, looked sad and forsaken.

'Poor child.' said Satoshi automatically.

'There was one?' Krad asked. 'I thought no one played here.'

'Whatever.'

Rummaging through the cupboard, Satoshi pulled out what he felt was the least feminine dress. The stupid person who lived here apparently loved dresses as there were no pants of any kind. Krad took one look at the dress and started laughing.

'Oh, yes, wear that Satoshi! Pllleeaasssseee! For me?'

The dress was pastel pink and it reached down to his ankles; there was also a small white lacy cardigan with little flowers embroidered at the sides, to wear over the pink dress, which was flowery enough, thank you very much. (Think Yuki from Fruits Basket, on the day of the Carnival the school had. Episode 6 or 7 I think.)

Pulling it over his head, Satoshi had to endure peals of mocking laughter from Krad and he silently contended for thinking of methods to torture Krad when this entire ordeal was over. Oh he _was_ going to enjoy himself later.

However, now was business. As he buttoned the stupid lacy cardigan on, he was wondering, how come Dark always wore what the Niwa kid wore? His conclusion: Dark didn't have his own uniform but Krad did. That was a rather unfair advantage or disadvantage, as Satoshi's train of thought hurdled on through his head on the steel cold railway which were his line of thought.

'Boo!' Krad shouted in Satoshi's head, derailing his entire train and blowing it up in the process. 'Don't think you can think funny things with me thinking up of the funnier things in your head!'

'Go away, Krad. Go to sleep or something.'

'No! I want to sing the green bottle song!'

'Get one mole of green bottles. I'd like to see you calculate that.'

'What's one mole?' Krad asked. 'How many green bottles are there?'

'One mole has... six to the power of twenty-three green bottles.' Satoshi supplied.

'No! I don't wanna! You always add such evil stuff for me to do! I don't like you anymore Satoshi!'

'Well that's new.'

Krad's eyes grew larger as a tiny thought flew into his head. 'Oh! Do you know the song about rain?'

'What song?' Satoshi asked casually as he cleared his sneakers of sand and dirt.

''It's raining it's pouring, the old man is snoring' that song?' Krad asked again.

'Yes the man gets a bump on his head and he can't wake up... what about it?'

'I think it's very sadistic and evil. The man gets a bump on his head and he can't get up in the morning! It shall be my new theme song!' Krad announced. 'I suppose he died,' he added as an afterthought. 'But that's too much to hope for.'

Satoshi stood up and stretched himself. Krad smirked.

'Can you catch Dark now, Charlene?'

'Shut up,' Satoshi muttered as he pulled the door open.

* * *

Heka: There you go! 7 pages of… not-so-mad insanity. Alas, my skill is forsaking me! 

Shigure: Isn't so bad after all ja?

Dark: Hey! How come Krad gets his own uniform and all I get is that kid's stuff?

Heka: Ask the producer. Ask the author.

Dark: I demand a new dress code!

Daisuke: My uniforms aren't good enough?

Emiko: I made them!

Dark: Oh. Right. Haha. Sorry.

Heka: Whooo… I'm looking into another Dark/Riku story; probably I'll put that as the second part of Night of White…

Shigure: Honestly, she can't find another title…

Dark: Nah, she's too lazy to.

Heka: Ahem.

Sesshoumaru: What is this Sesshoumaru still doing here?

Rin: Because I like chocolate.

Dark: You brought _him_ back!

Heka: He never left.

Dark: Why you little…!

Shigure: Please review and such while we murder Heka for having that funny white guy over okay?


	10. Friction, what Friction?

Heka: No, Statuette of Carmelle is not going down in flames; no, it's not ending, they haven't even touched the Statue yet, and yes I am continuing, and yes, they will be chibi! Also I would like to thank EVERYONE who reviewed, and yelled at me to update, even though I didn't and I'm REALLY sorry, and this is to make up-

Shigure: Oh hoho. How long was the hiatus?

Heka: … Since… March.

Dark: I'm ashamed of you!

Heka: I'm sorry…

Dark: How could you not write such a story where I play such an important part!

Heka: Sorry…

Shigure: Enough of the nonsense. Go show what your readers have been waiting to see for so long…

Heka: Yes sir!

(Pointless bit here as Sesshoumaru wanders around aimlessly, glaring at Dark and Shigure, before blasting the walls apart and leaving with Rin pulling at his robes.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dark closed one eye and left the other open, propping his face with his elbow on the bar top counter that was in his portion of Daisuke's brain. He reached behind him and took out a random martini and sipped it nonchalantly.

'Tell me when you're done okay, Daisuke?' he murmured lazily, swallowing his drink.

'Dark, can't you be any more helpful!' Daisuke exclaimed, slightly exasperated at this show of nil interest from his literal, partner in crime. 'I'm going to die here!'

Dark scoffed. 'Don't be ridiculous. Your mother loves you.'

'Well she loves me only because you're in me!' Daisuke snapped, staring at the board on the small table in front of him. Too late, he recognized the folly of his words.

There was a slight tense pause.

'You know that's not true, Daisuke,' Dark said quietly. 'Your oka-san loves you for who you are.'

Daisuke swallowed hard. 'Yeah, well I hope so too...'

'Now chop-chop, get across the board. The walls aren't going to rust, you know...'

(A/N: This sentence was taken from a movie. Well the idea was anyway. Can anyone say what movie it is? A recent one, stars Martin Freeman and Alan Rickman! Inspired by a book!)

'Okay, Dark,' replied Daisuke obediently. 'Wait a minute, why are you drinking a martini?'

Dark rolled his eyes, taking another sip from his glass of wine. 'This is a metaphor, my wonderfully dense crimson-eyed friend. I look 17, which means I can't technically drink. But what I'm trying to say here is-'

'Fine, fine, I get the point. It means that I'm taking so long that you're practically aging in front of my eyes.'

'Excellent job, kiddo. And please don't use the word aging to me again. It sounds so... old, you know.'

'Oh shut up.'

Daisuke focused again on the board. It was staring back at him innocently. He hadn't made his first move yet; he knew it was his first move, 15 minutes of panicking and not doing anything to the board told him so. He lifted his hands, and finally, painstakingly, took a step forward using the left-most piece of the first row of three gaming pieces in front of his side of the triangle.

He moved to the left.

Dark applauded. 'Well done! Smashing move, I'll say! You really stumped the enemy!'

'Dark...'

'What? Just giving you some encouragement, is there anything wrong with that?'

'Dark, I know what sarcasm is.'

'Oh, well.'

His opponent's middle piece of the first row moved to the right silently.

The doors creaked closer, as if in warning.

Daisuke took his second move, using his last piece of jump over the piece in front of it in the second row.

Once again, the opponent moved quietly, the left piece in his second row leaping over the piece in front of it.

(A/N: Dude. she's really playing the game! hahahahahaha...)

'Good one kid! Get all your pieces out first then run for it!'

'Was that being sarcastic?'

'Goodness Dai-chan, you're smart for pointing out that my first comments were sarcastic but please refrain from the restraining order of English.'

'Dark!'

'What?'

'Oh never mind.'

Daisuke let out a breath of air, and made his third move. Taking the right-most piece from the second row, he jumped it over the piece from the first row, bringing out most of his pieces from their 'house'.

His silent opponent did the same, moving its remaining piece from the second row, jumping over a piece from the third row, into the open ground.

The last piece was left behind.

'Ha _ha_! He's stranded his last piece!'

'There's no need to get so excited, Dark, the doors are almost onto us!'

'Funny. I thought they moved at a constant speed...'

Daisuke was seized with a sudden thrill of terror.

'No, Dark they don't... they accelerate!'

'Argh! The horrors of mathematics are upon us! Quickly, quickly, QUICKLY!'

'What? What?'

'MOVE-MOVE-MOVE!'

-/-

Satoshi shut his eyes for a moment as he wandered around the second storey of the building. Technically this was a very stupid thing to do when he was in a very lovingly booby-trapped house and wearing a skirt but he felt that he was entitled to do so.

For he had just seen one of the most horrible views he had ever seen in his entire life.

His image(s) in the room full of mirrors.

He had been utterly horrified by it- the lacy white cardigan, the pink dress; the flowers embroidered at the edges… the whole image had just been so terrible that his mind was nearly rendered dysfunctional at the sight of it.

Thus he had backed out of that terrible room and continued his way, staring at the many beautiful portraits and statues around the house. There had been this particularly attractive painting, which was of a woman, with sleek long black hair, staring directly at the viewer. She was very beautiful, and the little plaque at the bottom of the picture informed him that this was Carmelle Kranjin, the original owner of the house. Satoshi nodded to himself. This was the picture of the woman of which the statue they were going to steal.

'Huh?' Krad muttered to himself. Satoshi had a very weird way of speaking English… Shrugging to himself, he continued thinking of tall pillars, fires and fluffy bunnies and for some inexplicable reason, the 108th number of 22 over 7.

Satoshi had continued walking (peacefully) around the house, until his brain very cautiously reminded him of something. Odd. The weird woman from the Niwa family apparently left most of her traps in the first floor as he hadn't encountered one within the last five-

Satoshi ducked methodically.

Nothing happened.

He stood up again, stared warily around and gathered himself. This always, _always_ happened in movies, books, and whatever. Every time the protagonist forgot himself or herself in an area with many booby traps, the traps they forgot about would spring, and all that was could be said of them would be the fact that they'd have to brought out on a stretcher, and usually muttering the words 'The mustard! _The mustard!_' over and over again in a most horrible manner. Yet here, nothing happened.

He tried, once again, to assert himself.

He was on the second floor of the cursed building. He had gone past three doors, the first female room, the room full of mirrors and a dark one he didn't dare to speculate about. The floor was lined with velvet, something which he was glad of, as it muffled his feet, having lost his sneakers when he got burnt by the mad flaming door. He had seen a pair of beaded slippers near the door of the female room, and automatically had refused to wear them when Krad had begged for him to do so.

He knew that the mansion had three levels and that Daisuke was probably getting diced, chopped, burnt, drowned and pierced to his accidental death at the first storey. That meant that the statue was either at the third, first, or second storey.

Satoshi hoped to hell that the building didn't have a basement.

He was going to die, something he quite readily admitted to himself, getting to that level.

As he looked around him, he noticed that the white walls had no holes in them. There were also no secret compartments and no scary monsters or pictures that stared at him as he walked, which made this level even worst, as he didn't know when or where the next attack would spring from. He had felt around then and there had been absolutely _nothing_, nothing at all, he knew of this earth that would be here on the second level that could kill him.

And the thought of that was driving him insane.

HOW COULD THAT WOMAN LEAVE THIS ENTIRE LEVEL BLANK!

Even though the possibility that there were no traps at all did occur to him but the fact that he knew the Niwa woman perfectly well disagreed against that irritating thought and threw it down the well. This woman _must have_ booby trapped this damned level somewhere and Satoshi was determined to find it, to rest his tortured soul, body and mind.

'Bit stupid really. Hasn't the thought that she really didn't booby trap this level at all occurred to you at all?' Krad said finally, after reading the read-out of Satoshi's brilliantly cool mind.

'Yes. But she _can't_ have done that. She's too titchy-' Satoshi stopped.

'Titchy?'

'Shut up.'

'Satoshi's using weird words!'

'Shut up-'

'Satoshi's using weird wo-'

'Do you want me to continue or not?'

'... fine.'

'Perhaps the word that I should use is twitchy. Yes. Twitchy. She's too...' he amended again, '-edgy to leave a level alone just like that.'

'Hasn't it ever occurred to you that she might have taken reverse psychology lessons?'

'Yes. Yes. That thought occurred to me too. But she _can't have_ done something like this.'

'Why not?'

'Because- haven't you seen the first level!'

'Yeah. What about it?'

'Hasn't that told you _anything_ about that woman?'

'That she's mad?'

'And?'

'Insane?'

'And?'

'... oh.'

'See? So she can't have just left this level blank. it's not like her!'

Krad appeared to think about it, something which Satoshi seriously doubted. 'Yes... I see what you mean. Well, chin up Charlene! Stay alert!'

'I am NOT Charlene.'

'You are to me.'

'I will not be Charlene. My name is Hikari Satoshi and you better remember it, Krad. You've been with my family for eons!'

'Nonsense!'

Satoshi opened his mouth to reply but his mind completely sagged at what the angel had said.

'I-what?'

'What?'

'You're not from our family?'

'Yeah. Never was. Heck I didn't even know who you were went I got trapped in you, kid.'

'Then... then...' Satoshi's mind was just falling apart.

'The Dark thing? That's just because he's like really cute and all...'

Satoshi's mind began shutting down. This could not be true...

'... cute? You go after him because he's cute...?' he managed, swallowing hard.

Krad shrugged. 'Weeeelll yeah. What did you expect?'

Satoshi's mind had gone into critical mood and was going to enter brain freeze when Krad burst out laughing and subsequently toppled off whatever pillar he had been sitting on.

'YOU BELIEVED THAT! YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVED THAT!' he collapsed, laughing uncontrollably.

Satoshi's brain freeze froze (pardon the pun) in its track and began to heating up, in anger.

'...you lied.'

Krad's face became a grotesque mask as he replied 'Duuuuuuuuhhh!'

'You. Lied. To me.'

'Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!'

Krad emerged again from the depths of Satoshi's mind and continued laughing, this time in gasps.

'You're just absolutely wonderful, do you know that? It's just amazing how... how naive you are! Really!'

Satoshi wanted to kill that angel. He was going to have a lot of fun with him after he got the statue. When he-

'You shouldn't use the word 'when' you know. You should use the word 'if',' Krad replied earnestly, stopping Satoshi's train of thought again.

Satoshi raised a delicate eyebrow as he stopped and stared around him. There was a small staircase in front of him, leading very invitingly to the third storey. If the statuette was there, he'd be the first to find it. It definitely wasn't on the first floor, the flaming dragons, the burning door and whatever other monstrosities that the homicidal woman had put in there proved that. The second floor, on the other hand-

A vein in Satoshi's forehead twitched.

He _had_ to find out where that trap was. She had left the entire corridor blank! The rooms were predictably booby-trapped yes, he had encountered the mad spikes, the- here he winced again- the dreaded room of mirrors, the dark black room that he didn't dare go into because of what other horrors that the woman could come up with-

'Coward.' Krad grinned, licking off some toffee he had stolen from his own mind.

'Would _you_ go in?'

'The statue so obviously isn't there.'

'I rest my case.'

'What case?'

'It's a figure of speech.'

'What speech? You spoke?'

'Krad...' Satoshi cautioned, his voice rising in warning, as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

'Anyway, I continue what I said before. You should use the word 'if'. Not 'when'.' Krad grinned.

'Why?'

'Because 'if' brings out the possibility of other factors, Charlene darling. 'When', is certain.'

Satoshi's mind ticked hastily as he worked it out. He registered the 'Charlene darling' thing, but decided to let it slide. For now.

'I'm going to kill you, Krad. When-'

'You mean if-'

'No, _when_ I get the statue.'

'Oh phooey.'

Taking note of the position of the staircase, Satoshi continued his round around the second floor, desperate to find out just where the traps the insane woman had placed were.

-/-

'That was close, Daisuke, very, very close…' Dark was muttering, breathing in and out deeply, his Tamer doing the same thing.

Daisuke was now currently looking down at the room containing the set of Chinese checkers, and the set with its counters were currently being squashed to oblivion as the walls crushed them relentlessly.

Around the fifth move of the game, Daisuke had realized that there wasn't really any more space to move his body, and found that the need to stand on the counter was becoming more urgent than ever. More out of a fit of hysteria than anything, as Dark was hyperventilating in his head and shouting out his will to whoever who would listen, i.e Daisuke, he had upended the entire set of Chinese checkers, which had clattered onto the floor in an alarmingly loud manner, before getting crushed by the walls.

Looking around hastily, trying not to imagine that the sounds of the counters crunching and cracking were not his bones (a considerable feat, as Dark was currently screaming that they were going to die), he had noticed a hidden panel at the ceiling.

'Dark! A panel!'

'We're going to die, we're going to die, we're going to- what?'

'A panel!'

'Well what the hell are you waiting for Daisuke! Jump up there and escape!'

'There's nothing to support me!'

'Are you _stupid_ or something? The walls are so close, just use them as support!'

'Oh, right!'

Leaning on the wall behind him, Daisuke took a leap and felt his faithful sport shoes catch on the wall and slowly began to work his wall up, thanking his family for the many years of training that they had given him.

'Don't forget friction.'

Thus, the result was that now, they were on the second storey of the house, and staring down into what would have been their fate, should Daisuke had not spotted the hidden panel, and saved their lives. Dark breathed a sigh of relief.

'Right. Now that that's over…'

Daisuke sat down on the floor, just relaxing after his (second) near brush with death. Closing his eyes, he allowed his mind to wander as he felt his heartbeat slowly reach normal rate.

So, it was rather safe to say that the first floor didn't contain the statue, with all the terrible traps there. He supposed that it was just a distraction-

'WHAT?' Dark shouted, causing Daisuke to open his eyes again.

'Dark! Please!'

'You mean- you mean- the fact that we nearly _died_… it was just a distraction?'

'Err… I guess so… this is oka-san's style after all…' Daisuke murmured, scratching his head.

'I am going to kill her,' Dark intoned in a monotone voice.

'You can't!' Daisuke replied, horrified, getting up.

However he slipped and fell. Dark stopped his rambling about murdering his surrogate mother until the next afterlife and peered at his Tamer.

'You _fell_?' he asked, barely able to mask his amazement.

Daisuke blushed slightly. 'Err… yes… there's something wrong with this floor- '

'Are you sure it isn't just you?' Dark asked again, this time smirking.

'Yes Dark! The floor's slippery!' Daisuke replied, brushing his hands against the floor and checking it. It was cold and slightly damp, which meant that it was either ice, or marble, or just his sweat.

'Oh dear.'

Daisuke groaned. 'Knowing oka-san, she probably did the walls and the ceilings as well, making this a completely frictionless room.'

'You know about friction?' Dark looked honestly surprised.

'We do learn stuff in school you know…'

'Hmph. So you know what to do right? Don't move; at all.'

'Then how do we get out of this room?'

'That's for me to know and for you to find out.'

'If you're talking about magic…'

'Duh!'

'We can't use magic!'

Daisuke tried standing and getting his bearings. He saw that the room was completely icy blue, shimmering and glittering in the dim lighting of the room coming from the small bulb in the centre of the ceiling.

He slipped again. However this time, his hand caught the floor and his sports shoes scrabbled hopelessly against the floor before he collapsed into a painful bundle on the floor.

'Owwww…'

'Okay Daisuke, I am helping you now, partly because I don't want to see you hurt and also out of sheer boredom. Don't thank me after this, because I want to go home and sleep now,' Dark muttered as Daisuke sat up again, rubbing a rather tender part of his anatomy.

'Yes Dark,' Daisuke replied meekly.

'Now can you see a door?'

Daisuke looked around. The walls were blue as well, and there was no door… hold on, hold on, there was this faint outline which might have looked like a door if the light was just right and if there was more colours and a better defined shadow-

'Don't let the artist in you take over, Daisuke.'

'Yes. I see it, Dark.'

'Good. Now you know this is a room with minimal friction. Means that every move you make, you'll get faster and faster, until you bloody damn well become a flat spot on the wall right, or by some freak chance you bounce off it, and then you're history. Understand?'

'Yes.'

'So, I want you to aim yourself, very very precisely, to the door. Can you do that?'

'Yes.'

'Good. Because if you miscalculate, we will bounce off the wall, and once we bounce _off_ the wall, we're dead because of all the freaking rules of Newton.'

'Yes. I understand.' Daisuke had a sudden fleeting image of him skidding all over the room, forever accelerating, in a very cartoonish manner.

'Very good. We don't want to end up like that,' Dark continued, indicating the image. 'So please aim properly.'

'Okay.' Daisuke's eyebrows knotted as he perfected his aim, and pushed off, knowing for certain that his aim was true.

However, there had been a problem which neither of them had foreseen; that even though the floor was practically frictionless, there had been the factor of the apparent _gradient_ of the floor, which none of them had taken into consideration.

Thus it was that there would be a slight bump on the floor, and they predictably hit it, spun out of control, and crashed into a wall.

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Heka: Okay, ugh I end here. I'm sorry. I'll do the Harada twins another time. Sorry to leave you on a cliffie (again) and practically NOTHING was accomplished here but hey, the chapter's up!

Dark: this was just to tell them that you're back yes?

Heka: That's why you're my muse… Good boy, Dark!

Shigure: Yes… Dark wants a bone?

Dark: I will make you wish you were dead.

Shigure, Heka: Please review!

Heka: And flames are welcome, really. I'll just like use them to erm…

Shigure: Burn Dark. He's just feathers and all… it ought to be easy.

Dark: No, use them on Shigure's house. Yes. A much better choice.


End file.
